Kevin Costner and the Deterministic Universe.

A plane landed in Minneapolis forty-three minutes late, causing passenger Steven Howard to miss the registration window at the IT conference. He called Linda from the hotel to ask how her first week in Hollywood was going. Before Linda could shush him, her lover Marco spoke loudly enough for Steven to hear. After Steven hung up on her, Linda kicked Marco out. As he turned the corner, the neighbor’s Rottweiler escaped from its leash and mauled Marco’s arms and stomach.

That evening, Kevin Costner got a phone call. “Good news, kid. You’re the new corpse in the Big Chill!”