I wanna be a chiquita banana!

Hello, I’m Chad, I’m an off-brand banana, I suck, and my life is puke. Oh, it’s not? What the hell do you know about it, chiquita? You heard me, chiquita. You get the prime shelf space, you grow on the best trees, in the best rain forests. You travel in refrigerated tankers, no tarantulas. I grew up anyplace I could cling. I never got a break, I’m uncultivated, I don’t know how to act. Chicks won’t talk to me, I don’t get served, I get violent, I menace people. YAAAAHHH! Nobody move. I wanna be a chiquita banana NOW!

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Title by: dnllt7
Story by: Bill Henderson

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